


I Won't Cry for Yesterday

by stahlion



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Chapter 17 spoilers, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, First Kiss, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 17:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20642753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stahlion/pseuds/stahlion
Summary: Passion or coincidenceOnce prompted you to say"Pride will tear us both apart"Well now pride's gone out the windowCross the rooftopsRun awayLeft me in the vacuum of my heart~~~~~Through all of Felix's tears and sobs, all of his pain and sadness, Sylvain has always been there. After he experiences loss again, however, he begins to push away those that he cares about the most.





	I Won't Cry for Yesterday

_ I won’t cry for yesterday. _

No matter how many training sessions he participated in, no matter how many times he swung his blade uselessly in the training grounds to the dim moonlight, nothing would ever change. 

Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius...no, his father, was never going to come back.

Glenn was never going to come back. 

_ I will learn to survive. _

As he swung his sword in the night, sweat drops dripping down his forehead and matting his hair, he couldn’t help but think about his father. His stupid, idiotic, good for nothing father. Felix had taken to living his life despising him with every drop of blood in his body.

So why did he feel so empty now that he was gone?

Maybe if he kept training, he could prove his worth as the heir to house Fraldarius, as someone who was not only worthy of that title from the public, but also from his father himself.

...as Glenn. 

He lost his footing.

A clatter echoed throughout the training ground, piercing the silence of the night as the wooden sword slipped from his grasp. His body seemed to give out underneath him in slow motion, and with a thud he found himself collapsed on the ground.

“Felix?”

A voice suddenly spoke behind him, causing the indigo-haired man to nearly jump out of his skin. His head whirled around, his right hand fumbling for the wooden sword on the ground next to him as his eyes met with an outstretched hand in front of his face. Felix froze, his gaze drifting upwards to see Sylvain standing over him, that ever so foolish grin of his plastering his face. 

Though his lips were upturned, the smile didn’t carry to his eyes. 

He was dressed in a looser, plain cotton button-up, and from this angle, the way the moonlight illuminated his ginger locks made him look almost ethereal, glowing like a firefly in the night. His outstretched hand was warm and inviting.

Yet all Felix wanted to do was shut him out.

Felix huffed as he began to pull himself off of the ground, knocking the redhead’s hand away as he did so. Sylvain retracted his hand, the smile upon his face fading. 

“Why are you out here so late?” 

“I could ask the same of you.” Felix spoke bluntly. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Sylvain stated plainly, throwing his arms behind his head and rocking back and forth on his heels. “But I’m not that important this moment.” Felix could feel his brown eyes focusing upon his, and he quickly turned his head away so that Sylvain couldn’t see his face.

“Felix, you look like you’ve hardly slept in days—”

“That’s none of your business.” Felix snapped, crossing his arms in front of his chest. It was true. The bags under Felix’s eyes grew heavier with each passing moment, and the exhaustion sweeping over his body made him feel like a zombie. But he had to stay awake. He had to train.

He had to get his father off of his mind.

The thoughts of Rodrigue plagued him nonstop. He couldn’t sleep, lest the images of his father’s dying breaths would haunt his nightmares. But yet, even here training in the dead of the night, the ghost of his father’s memory would never leave him.

“What do you want, Sylvain?” 

“Come on, Felix, would you please at least look at me? You’ve been avoiding me for days. Everyone’s been...I’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” Felix never once even dared to flick his eyes back towards Sylvain as he forced out the words, even though every ounce of him desired to so badly. 

“I don’t believe a word of that.”

With a shrug, Felix bent back down to reclaim the wooden sword. “Believe it or not if you want to. I don’t care. That’s my answer, and it would be ever-so-kind of you to leave me to my training.” He turned and began to step back towards the center of the training grounds, but a catch at his wrist stopped him in his tracks.

_ Couldn’t that idiot get the hint that he wanted to be left alone? _

“...I know you’re upset about Rodrigue, but—”

“Don’t fucking say his name! Don’t think you can just...just throw it around!” Felix’s voice shook as he snapped, quivering like a candle in the wind, a flame who’s original bright light was barely more than a dim glow now, threatening to snuff with the next breeze. 

Sylvain grabbed Felix by either of his forearms, staring him directly in the face. The shorter man shot a harsh gaze up towards him, flinching at his touch. The lancer opened his mouth to speak, but was only able to produce a small sound before he was cut off. 

“I don’t want to hear any of your nonsense! You’re just going to spew words about how he died ‘like a true knight,’ protecting that boar of a prince, just like my brother, aren’t you?!”

“Felix, I—”

“Stay the hell away from me, Sylvain!” 

With one forceful push, Sylvain was forced to release his grip on Felix as he stumbled backwards, collapsing onto the rack of training equipment situated behind him. A shattering crash split the sky from distant thunder, and in a flash, his childhood friend was on the ground, wincing as he clutched at his side, the equipment clattering against the floor beneath him.

Felix could hear his heartbeat ringing throughout his eardrums as he stared down at the scene in front of him. Everything felt hazy as a large wave of guilt crashed over him. _ What the hell was he doing?! _He thought he could hear something—words maybe? Sylvain’s voice?—calling out to him, but he was unable to make any of it out as his head began to spin. 

Felix ran.

He bolted through the doors of the training grounds as the sky began to cloud, the world turning darker as the moon hid from Felix. He sprinted through the monstastery, not even daring to look behind him as he shoved past a few monks and mercenaries patrolling, stumbling over his own feet. In the moment, he couldn’t decide whether or not he was running from Sylvain or himself. 

Felix’s carefully crafted facade, nine years in the making, was strong, resilient. But now, it was shattering, unraveling like a loose thread on a linen shirt. One more tug and he was sure to come undone.

Then came the rain. 

It lashed down upon him in the unlit sky, heavy and intense like the tug at his heart. He skidded to a stop in the middle of the courtyard, his exhaustion catching up to him as he bent over, panting and desperately trying to catch his breath.

_ I won’t cry for yesterday. _

He had to be strong, like Glenn would be. He had spent the past nine years carefully crafting that strength of his that he so disparagingly missed.

So why was he falling apart? Why was he pushing away those that he loved?

_ Those that he loved... _

A hand gently placed itself on his shoulder from behind.

Sylvain.

Felix straightened up and squinted in the rain, his heavy eyes struggling to make out Sylvain’s silhouette in the shadows of the night. He barely even had just a second to react as he felt himself being pulled into the other man’s arms, his body stiffening at the touch. Sylvain’s embrace was tender, soothing, and unlike the scene earlier, Felix didn’t push him away.

Instead, salty teardrops mixed with the pouring rain as they rolled down his cheeks and onto his neck. 

“I...I can’t…” Felix’s body racked with sobs before he could finish his sentence as he clutched at the smooth fabric at Sylvain’s shirt tightly, his knuckles turning white. Nine years worth of forced back tears flooded from his eyes like water from a broken dam as he buried his face into Sylvain’s shoulder, shaking and choking on his tears. 

Felix felt so defenseless, so vulnerable in this moment.

“...lose you…too...”

They stood there in the rain for what felt like an eternity, Sylvain’s taller physique enveloping Felix’s, the shorter man’s weeping dissonant against the sounds of rain splattering the ground. Sylvain’s hand cradled the back of Felix’s head as he rested it against his shoulder, the other soothingly stroking his back.

In that moment, Felix was thirteen again. 

He remembered it all too distinctly. The news of his brother’s death somberly rolling off of the messenger’s lips. His body collapsing with sobs. Sylvain oh-so-carefully cradling his fragile frame in his arms, his hand sliding up and down his back ever-so-slightly, calming him the way only he knew how to. That day, Felix swore to never let his emotions overcome him again, that he would be strong just like Glenn was.

Yet, despite losing the person he looked up to, there was a constant.

Sylvain was always there.

Sylvain slowly slid his hands onto either of Felix’s shoulders, gingerly coaxing him off of his own shoulder until they were face to face. Felix knew he probably looked pathetic, weak in his broken state; his eyes stung badly from crying, and they were puffy enough that he had to strain in order to keep them open. His hair, damp from mingled tears and rain, clung to his face, strands of hair that had escaped his ponytail hanging haphazardly across his countenance. 

He couldn’t bear to look at Sylvain in this condition.

“...Hey, Felix…” Sylvain spoke softly, cautiously bringing his hand up to brush away wet strands of hair from the younger man’s face before cupping it in his palm. Felix hesitated slightly at Sylvain’s warm touch. On any other day, he would throw Sylvain off of him, scoffing and barking at him to save those petty maneuvers for one of his many girls that he toyed around with. But instead, Felix leaned in to the comfort of Sylvain’s hand as the other man’s thumb swiped away a few stray tears from his cheek. In this cold, dreary sky, the redhead's touch felt pleasant, the warmth dancing across his cheek like the sun rays of dawn just beginning through grey clouds above them.

“Remember that promise we made as kids, Felix? About dying together?” Sylvain’s voice was audible barely over a whisper. 

Felix nodded slowly, still unable to make eye contact with Sylvain. How could he forget?

“Well...I don’t intend to ever break that oath.” 

Sylvain tilted Felix’s head slightly up towards him, and Felix’s eyes shifted to look at Sylvain for the first time in what felt like weeks. Their gazes locked together, and within Sylvain’s chestnut eyes Felix could sense a feeling of affection as a gentle smile spread across his face as his own cheeks began to tint a light pink. Although every instinct of his told him to look away, Felix somehow found himself entranced by those eyes of his, sparkling like stars in the night sky. Their faces were close enough that he could feel Sylvain’s breath against his. 

But then, Sylvain closed the distance between them.

Felix froze as the other man pressed his lips against his. The kiss, slightly wet yet gentle all the same, ignited a fire inside of his heart. Sylvain’s lips were as soft as they had always appeared; the scent of rain drifted through the air and the taste of tea lingered on his lips as the redhead pulled away slowly, resting his damp forehead against Felix’s and staring into his eyes. 

Felix stammered, trying to find words as he felt his face somehow flushing to be an even brighter shade of red.

“I’m sorry. I guess I got a little too carried away in the moment, huh?” Sylvain let out a lighthearted chuckle, but it was evident that there was a hint of nervousness in his voice. “Go ahead, smack me. I deserve—”

Oh, Felix smacked him alright. He lunged forward, hastily crashing his lips into Sylvain’s as he threw his arms around his neck, pulling him down to lean into the kiss. It was sloppy due to his inexperience, but Felix relished in the feeling of exhilaration he got from it all the same. Fortunately, the more experienced Sylvain took over, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He reached his hand into Felix’s hair as the shorter man gripped at his neck, pulling loose the hair tie and allowing his indigo hair to come toppling onto his shoulders. Sylvain ran his hands through the wet locks as Felix shuddered, who lightly bit at Sylvain’s lower lip. In this moment, the last of Felix’s emotions that clung to him washed away, and he felt release at last as the final few tears he had cascaded down his cheeks. 

They separated for air, both boys needing to catch their breath, but desperate for more. They stood there in silence for a few moments, nothing audible save for the light patter of the fading rain and their breathing. 

It was Sylvain who finally broke the silence.

“...I love you, Felix.” 

The words made him feel as if his heart was going to burst. He averted his eyes, the tips of his ears becoming as red as the rest of his face. Felix opened his mouth as if it say words, but they were caught in his throat before he was finally able to choke a few out.

“...You can’t mean that.”

Sylvain stuttered, awkwardly wringing his hands together as he spoke. “I mean it, Felix. I really do. Over this past week, I’ve done a lot of...thinking. Seeing you hurting from afar, and you pushing me away, was miserable. It made me realize that…” he trailed off, hesitating once more before finishing his sentence.

“I-It made me realize that I can’t exist without you.”

Instead of speaking, Felix slowly inched his hand towards Sylvain’s, interlacing their fingers, his gloved hand encompassing Sylvain’s bare one. All was quiet, the rain barely even a drizzle anymore. In a hushed tone, he whispered softly.

“...I love you too. Sylvain.”

A large smile crept across Sylvain’s face before he lurched forward, scooping Felix up within his strong arms and twirling him around. Felix yelped, surprised hands frantically grabbing at Sylvain to hold himself up in his grasp. 

“S-Sylvain, what are you—?!”

“He loves me!” Sylvain shouted to the sky, chuckling as he placed a chaste kiss to Felix’s cheek, eliciting a stammered protest from the younger man as his face reddened once more.

“Sh-Shut up, you idiot. You are aware that it is the dead of the morning, aren’t you?”

“I want the world to know that _ the _ Felix Hugo Fraldarius is in love with Sylvain Jose Gautier. I would shout it from the rooftops if I had the chance.” His gaze met Felix’s once again, and the joyful, loving grin on his face changed to that of a sly smirk. “Unless you want to shout that from my room?” he suggested with a wink.

Felix gave him a light push on his chest, rolling his eyes, a slight smile upon his face all the same. “That’s quite enough.” 

“Alright, alright.” Sylvain Laughed. “We should head inside and dry off. Wouldn’t want to catch a cold, y’know?”

“Don’t expect me to take care of you if you do.” Felix replied, his tone more playful than serious.

Sylvain chuckled and set Felix down, delicately taking his hand and navigating him through the monastery as the sun began to slowly rise in the distance. The soft glow warmed them as they strode, and as Felix experimentally squeezed Sylvain’s hand and he felt the other squeeze back, he knew that, despite everything, he would make it through. 

He would survive.

No. They would survive. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I haven't written a fic in a long while but these two captured my heart. I know this plot point has probably been written about a bunch of times now but I still wanted to throw in my take on it, haha. I definitely plan on writing more for them in the future! Any and all comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> You can follow me @stahIion on twitter (capital i instead of an L) if you want! I love talking to people and I'm always ready to talk about Fire Emblem! The song lyrics I used throughout the piece are from Duran Duran's "Ordinary World." I felt it fit Felix's situation very well.


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